POR AMOR AL ARTE

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it's been forever it seems since i wrote. i should do it often instead of thinking so much. there is to much to document about this amazing turn of events. if there ever was a time in my life when i was more in motion, dizzyly so, it is this one. to think i've only been a widow a few months and in baja a little over three months and count all the emotions i've been through, how many places and things i've seen makes me wonder how it has all fitted in that short period. 

i have spent an inordinate time with myself, re-discovering myself, re-plotting my map, finding my north. it has been confronting yet interesting. the word that prevails is strength. STRENGTH and more strength. 

so this post is mainly about me. 

how i've coped.

i play with my days, my camera still my tool of choice. i learn to accept the many truths before me, amongst tgem the fact that i too am ageing. 

i laugh, i cry, i scream, i despair, i jump, i dance, i sing, i sit, i stand, i wander, i sleep, i eat, i laugh, i cry, i rage all in succession without even knowing how i just carry on, almost instinctively, like a wounded animal. it's all ok i tell myself, it's not all ok when i have to down two shots of tequila to numb my pain, it will all be ok eventually, it suddenly is ok today, this minute, this moment. and that's all there is to it, breathe in and breathe out and allow this process to take its course.

i pamper myself with a salon treatment, foot massage and full hair conditioning. one act of self love really really helps. i continue this conversation with myself, it's all about self preservation right now. 

looking good, feeling good

and accepting the ugly parts. that's why i have made it a purpose to take many self portraits, from every angle, color, black and white and anything in between. it might seem egocentric and vain to many, look again; it is a journal of self compassion as if i were caring for a sick child or relative. 

it's all about dealing with the cards i was dealt