Thursday, April 8, 2010


I am now Motherless. I re-read those words and I become faint. As I seek solace in a charming French-style hotel in the middle of uptown Santiago, I realize how life-shattering these past three months have been. Paula died February 20th., only three days after my last post. I am so affected that I can no longer remain in her apartment and had to run away today to self protect. Dismantling, selling off some of her things including the apartment, have become beyond painful.

Caring for her was a breeze compared to the whirlwind that has followed. Mostly legal, bureaucratic nuisances that take away all the romanticism out of a human life story.

Without her, and after all the experiences (you know the gammut including the pillage) after her death, my life is changed forever. No more Paulita's voice, her sound advice, her elegance, her joie de vivre. No more Joe either, her husband of 27 years has gone home to New York. And now myself, after all that, asking myself WHAT NOW? The friends have returned to their normal lives, the dust has begun to settle and I must begin anew without her. Soon I will post a video of her last farewell as her ashes were set to sea in Isla Negra in front of Pablo Neruda's house.
Slowly, softly,
I will survive.

More to come on a few fun things in Chile.

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