SURVIVOR (Part 1)

"every breath is a second chance"

 it seems like i have learned more about myself and my survival skills than ever before in my life. 

turning and returning to forgiveness above all,

adding plenty of acceptance into the mix

staying positive

letting go

and moving on, chin up, and embracing life as the adventure it truly is.

after all, i am an example to my children and to those i love, possibly an example to many who are reading me at this very moment.

so so sooooooo much has happened since february. feels like a tsunami! 

only this week have i begun to re surface

although believe me, i have been non stop.

1. the move: a notice from richard's trust that 60 days is all i had (now you begin to understand my need for forgiveness)

but where? with the few resources left to me? 

thinking cap worked a miracle and took

me south to baja california where i spent 3 days looking at houses to rent for half the price i would pay either in california or chile. 

i remembered vacations there with my children and thought it would be ideal since only 4.5 hours from my daughter and about half an hour from some friends who retired there and have been very happy.

and it's beautiful!

and best of all, Tigo loved it too.

i rented an apartment for three days and did a thorough search, found a darling townhouse on the last day, committed, and signed a lease.

2. grieving put on back burner

3. lists and packing begins

4. garage sales and craigslist listings concurrent

5. friends and family pitch in to help

yes, AGAIN!!!!!!!

my daughter suffering just as much alongside me since Richard and she adored each other.

6. a ray of hope. two. a few creative moments.

dreams of mexico as it blurs in my mind, more packing, more sorting, prioritizing, staying strong, crying only at night or while alone in the car, gritting my teeth and repeating, i can do this. i live in one of the most priviledged areas of the world, i have found a roof, i have the most adorable, fun loving dog who loves me, i have a talent and i am going to make it!

and the countdown begins with farewells

all my noble, loving friends, hilariously funny

and my garden

mexico: here i come 

i never thought the day would come when i had to write about the loss of my beloved.

i never thought it would be so sudden. i never thought it would be from "the emperor of maladies". i never imagined the aftermath of tears and rememberance. 

it has been a little over la month and i am only now coming to the realization that we will never see him again. it only hit me a few days ago that i am a widow.

and then everything changed. no more richard, no more home, packing again, relicating again, starting over again.

eleven years........