i feel so inadequate as an artist, i feel i'm just a dabbler.
but then, if only for a few instances, maybe a day, it surprises me sometimes to see how some of my work just happens almost by magic, guided by some inexplicable force and i feel ok about it.
i got hooked on the teabag girls challenge
but then again, alot of my work is small
i'm slowly discovering watercolors
i've been evaluating my creative journey. why did i turn to art all of a sudden? i was always the writer in the family, my letters are legendary as was my penmanship. why do i keep painting and sewing?
i think it all began with my exposure to art in england. mummy and daddy would take us to all the museums, all the churches and monuments, plays and puppet shows. i am forever grateful.
but when did it stir in me?
i think it all began with teesha moore and the altered art movement and arte-e-zine, a website in england. i literally went nuts realizing there was a huge group of outsider artists like me.
and so it began.
it's been about ten years now.
but now i stop and evaluate. what have i made of substance? my portfolio, a sloppy cardboard case, is filled with rejects. the few i like are framed, others have been sold, many given away. fluckr seems to award me with explore precisely with my more unique work.
my daughter insists i not throw away anything, but i must.
there are so many i am not happy with, many even hurt to see.
how can i even call myself an artist?
most of the things i make are so silly actually.
so it's sorting time
throwing away time
starting fresh time
if only i could stick to one thing
but i am voracious to the point of gluttony when it comes to art expressions.
i love to sew, can't give that up
i love portaiture, can't give that up,
love sketching, can't give that up either
after all, it's not fame i'm after
it's not the monetary reward either (i pretty much give my art away)
it's for the outlet
of seeing beautiful things take on my meaning
maybe, i shouldn't look at other people's work on pinterest or tumblr or instagram so i don't get distracted. but how can i help that? sometimes just a detail will spark a thought.
maybe i should go back and re visit my work and finish some set aside work to see if it acquires new meaning.
maybe i should paint big
maybe i should quit
maybe i should try something new?
my favorite blog and artist lynne hoppe.
whenever i feel a little out of sorts it is her blog that i turn to.
and for sewing spirit cloth ofcourse
True life is lived when tiny changes occur. Leo Tolstoy
the last time i purged my art i regretted throwing away just one painting, my balalaika blues one. i need to re imagine it, especially now that i saw natasha dance in war and peace.
oh well, i must laugh all this philisophical talk away and just trust in myself, think less, enjoy it more.